No Such End

TO START a new beginning
The one thing I’m needing

But how to start a new one
When the last one is not yet done
Neither even started

How to start another
When it is still the other

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Hanggang Saan

GAMAY MO ang lahat, yan ang iyong gawi
Aastang hari na ako’y pag aari

Nariyan kung kailan lamang ninanais
Isang araw biglaan lamang aalis

Babalik na tila wala man nangyari
Sa huli’y ikaw na naman ang nagwagi

Kailan makikita ang katotohanan?
Habang buhay ang pakikipaglokohan

Para lamang sa mapagpanggap na tuwa
Hanggang dito na lang ba ang makukuha?

Without A Single Word

I KEEP on thinking
keep on asking myself

What happened

I keep on wondering
keep on blaming myself

What have I done

Where can I get answers
when you’re already gone

When can I get answers
when you already walked away

How can I get answers
when you cut any means of communication

SUDDENLY

How
when I woke up
and no hint of you

How
when you left
without saying goodbye

How can I not blame myself
when you didn’t left me
with a single word

Surely Maybe

MAYBE THEY were wrong
when they believe there’s something

Maybe I was wrong
when I silently agree with them

Maybe they were wrong
when they said the feelings were mutual

Maybe I was dead wrong
when I nodded thinking, mutual it is

Maybe we were all wrong

Maybe what you said was right
when you slip it out of your mouth

Maybe you were right all along

Still That Human Being After All

SLAPPING YOU with words without even knowing the truth. Words that stabbed you.. deep

Judging you with anger without even knowing what you’ve done. Anger that was unncessary at all.

And before they even learn the truth, they have already hurt you.
There’s no time for explaining yourself.

Rather not talk at all than to debate with them when they already saw you as a loser.

A loser, insensitive, cruel human being.

Rather not talk at all when they already used up all the adjectives to describe how a bad person you’re such. When they already invent such words just to justify their judgement, just to slap you while telling you they were right.

Then it will eat you alive.  Are you really that bad? That insensitive? Do you really not care?

Then you will not disagree with them. Because your words are worthless. They won’t listen. They even pretend you’re unheard.

So you save to yourself the explaining. You swallowed every words you wanted to say when in your mind you were screaming the truth. When in your mind you were yelling them everything just to prove yourself.

But you wouldn’t do it. You know better than to do it. But they wouldn’t know how you manage yourself. They wouldn’t know you did it for the better.

Then after what happened, you’ll prove them right. You’ll be that person. That person they cruely described. You’ll be that human being. Because that’s how they see you.

Then they will tell you that they are right. And you will fuckingly agree with them. Because you gave power to their judgmental cruelty.

You let them define you. Because after all that you’ve done, it wasn’t enough to call you a good person. It still wasn’t enough to earn their respect.

So you see the other way. You became the person they hate, because the person you’ve been, the person who tried everything just to earn their respect, earn their hatred and anger instead.

So you chose the other person. The one they hated. Because being that person is simply easy. Because that is how they see you and nothing more. Without any respect, without any good thing to do, without any worth at all.

So I will continue to be that person. Because no matter how I tried, no matter what I did, no matter what I’ve sacrificed, I will always be that bad, insensitive, loser human being for them.

Then you will find yourself, living in what they called Earth but you were living in hell.

Then you will hate yourself for being there. You will blame yourself for all these things. Then you will be lost. Without any path, Without any urge to go on living like this.

You wished you were born differently or not born at all.

Because no matter how I tried, no matter what I did, no matter what I’ve sacrificed, they will always see just the dark and bad side. They will always be blind when it comes to the other things. And I will always be that bad, insensitive, loser human being for them.