April 6, 2015
Several years ago, the same month, I was so busy. Creative juices were almost drenched. The pressure was at it’s peak. And things mixed up. But all of these adds up to one certain thing and certain reason; your day and making it special.
I’ve always wanted it to be perfect. It was a chance to make you feel the love I’m giving you. Whenever that day is coming, I get too excited and pressured at the same time. Excited to add a little extra about it and pressured if such will make you happy.
I don’t buy you material things. You know I am that person who value things that were made with effort and sincerity. And that’s what I wanted to give you because you are worth the effort.
And then I knew I was successful. Those special days, I saw the happiness in you. I’ve witnessed how you’ve tried so hard to hide the tears.
Your reactions will keep replaying on my mind. The genuine happiness, your face turning red, your sweet smiles.. these simple priceless things which cannot be faked. I knew you felt loved.
This year, this month, this will mark the first. The first time I won’t be the busy one. I will still experience more busyness, pressures, and exhaustion. But never be the same as the ones I felt while preparing for your day. There will be something missing in my busyness and such. Those kind I will miss. And those, I know, are now gone.
There will be others who will replace me, who will feel busy and pressured. And maybe, maybe they will be successful, too. And I will envy them.. because I can never be that person anymore. I couldn’t.
I will never forget your day even if I wouldn’t be able to do things I used to.
I loved you. And you know I did.