Can I Come Home?

I gave it all and broke down. The emotions I’ve tried so hard to supress. The emotions I’ve been burying for so long.. They rise up together and there I was, giving up. My own emotions burying me. Doing what I did to them.

I was drowning. Cemented at the bottom of the sea. I couldn’t save myself.

But it was your hugs. It was your hugs that drained the sea. It was your hugs that melted the cement. It was your hugs that made everything go away.

[There was something about your hugs that made these emotions subsides. Like a genie summoned back into its bottle.

There was something about your hugs that made me secure. Like a Protego Totalum was enchanted.

There was something about your hugs..]

I wanted your hug, your grip. The way it was. I felt your care. I wanted your hug, your warmth. The way it was. I felt so welcome.

I wanted your hugs, because then I felt home.

Can you do it again? Can I come home?

18July2017

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To The Person I Hurt For Being Different

I hurt you. I hurt you in ways I didn’t intend to. I hurt you because people keep on hurting me. I hurt you before you could even hurt me. Before you do what they did to me.

I always believed that leaving will be everyone’s purpose. So it crossed my mind, that it will also be yours.

There I was, hurting you. Hurting the one person I trust. Making you suffer for the things I did. Making you cry for the words I threw. Making you in pain for pushing you away. Making you the bad person for the things you didn’t do.

But there you are. You came back. You came back and gather me in your arms like I didn’t even hurt you. You came back even when I’m dragging you with my problems. You came back, sit there with me and you let me cry on your lap. You came back and kiss away my pain. You came back and simply love every wrong in my life.

You came back and prove you were not like everyone else. Well, you are different. But still, I hurt you.

I didn’t see it coming. That it would hurt more hearing your cries knowing it was because of me. That it would hurt more seeing you suffer knowing I am the reason. Inspite of the hurt I put you through, you came back and try to defeat my weakness for me. You came back and fight the fight I’m having inside.

You came back. You came back and it is enough. More than enough.

I know you have your own fight, your own pain, your own problems. But you were so selfless and I was so selfish. And for that, I am sorry. I really do.

Sorry for being the absorber of every single pain I feel. Sorry for pushing you away instead of pulling you closer. Sorry for hurting you in ways people have hurt me. Sorry for being unfair. Sorry for hurting the friendship we have. Sorry for hurting you.

Most of all, sorry for making you the person you aren’t.

I would always be grateful. I would always be thankful for you being here in my life. I appreciate everything you did and everything you said. We could say I don’t deserve you, it may be true, but I wouldn’t. Because I will be my best to deserve a person like you. 

I am glad I met you. I would start to treasure you and what we have.

I trust you. And I love you. I do.

Years From Now

YEARS FROM now, I wouldn’t remember how you walk, how you run.

I wouldn’t remember how you drink, how you eat.

Years from now I wouldn’t remember how you played with us, how you scratch your ears.

I wouldn’t remember how you sometimes peed in our bed, how you chase people entering our house.

Years from now I wouldn’t remember how you bark at people, how you run out of the house letting us chase you.

I wouldn’t remember how you lick our faces, how you waited for your little pieces of bread.

Years from now I wouldn’t remember how you ate ham every New Year’s Eve. I wouldn’t remember how you hated chicken.

Years from now I may forget all about the things you did or didn’t do..

But years from now, I will always remember you. I will always remember how a Deirdre walked in our life and made a big change.

Years from now I might forget all about the things you did or didn’t do.

But years from now I will always remember that you love and protected us. I will always remember a Deirdre who unquestionably gave us love and happiness.

Years from now I will never forget how I found a friend and a family in you Didie.