The Curse of Abilities

Ability to remember every painful words;

Even the simplicity of jokes being thrown at me, stays in my head that it became their home.

Ability to feel too much;

Absorbing the negativity so much that it feels like there’s a magnetic energy between me and feelings.

Ability to replay every bad moments;

Like a casette of memories that never runs out of film.

Ability to mourn every loss even before losing;

That every human beings I encounter have two, and only two, purpose on my life— meeting me and leaving, wherein “knowing” is such a big word and that being attached is the new goodbye.

Ability to overanalyze.

That in everything and nothing, there’s always something. That overthinking became my pillow and blanket at night.

These are the abilities I am not so proud of, but these are what I’m made of.

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Hail! Oh Sword of Love

I

YOU’VE MET folks, and will still welcome the mankind,
Then, now, forthcoming;

You’ve been stabbing them, neither getting exhausted of it,
Over, over, and over again.

You’ll leave them bleeding with love,
Bruised with ache,
Vested with solitude;

Frozen grief on their faces,
Remorse within their vacuous eyes;
And death within their soul.

II

You’ve met folks incapable of defending their so-called self,
Competent of wasting their so-called life;

You’ll be stabbing them with your sin-sharpened sword,
Heart pierced with vagueness.

You’ll abandon them like a butt of cigarette smoked by several lips,
A butt of cigarette being engulfed by the vanishing fire,
A but of cigarette stomped by hundreds of shoes;
And they’ll die a little death.

III

Sword of Love what a sovereignty in your possession’s,
Don’t you ever get dull?

Sword of Love all of us will encounter your cold-blooded steel;
And when we do,
Bury us!

Sword of Love you’ll have more than a lifetime,
To witness all the aftermath;
Entirely all! Everything!

Sword of Love stab me once, by your weapon,
With all your force,
With all that’s left;
And never retreat –ever.

Oh Sword of Love —

To The Person I Hurt For Being Different

I hurt you. I hurt you in ways I didn’t intend to. I hurt you because people keep on hurting me. I hurt you before you could even hurt me. Before you do what they did to me.

I always believed that leaving will be everyone’s purpose. So it crossed my mind, that it will also be yours.

There I was, hurting you. Hurting the one person I trust. Making you suffer for the things I did. Making you cry for the words I threw. Making you in pain for pushing you away. Making you the bad person for the things you didn’t do.

But there you are. You came back. You came back and gather me in your arms like I didn’t even hurt you. You came back even when I’m dragging you with my problems. You came back, sit there with me and you let me cry on your lap. You came back and kiss away my pain. You came back and simply love every wrong in my life.

You came back and prove you were not like everyone else. Well, you are different. But still, I hurt you.

I didn’t see it coming. That it would hurt more hearing your cries knowing it was because of me. That it would hurt more seeing you suffer knowing I am the reason. Inspite of the hurt I put you through, you came back and try to defeat my weakness for me. You came back and fight the fight I’m having inside.

You came back. You came back and it is enough. More than enough.

I know you have your own fight, your own pain, your own problems. But you were so selfless and I was so selfish. And for that, I am sorry. I really do.

Sorry for being the absorber of every single pain I feel. Sorry for pushing you away instead of pulling you closer. Sorry for hurting you in ways people have hurt me. Sorry for being unfair. Sorry for hurting the friendship we have. Sorry for hurting you.

Most of all, sorry for making you the person you aren’t.

I would always be grateful. I would always be thankful for you being here in my life. I appreciate everything you did and everything you said. We could say I don’t deserve you, it may be true, but I wouldn’t. Because I will be my best to deserve a person like you. 

I am glad I met you. I would start to treasure you and what we have.

I trust you. And I love you. I do.

Today, The Sweetest Line

TODAY I WILL write the sweetest line; I miss you so much that I hug the pillow hoping it was you.

Today I will write the sweetest line; I will do anything just to be there beside you.

Today I will write the sweetest lines; I love you, always –be it hurting. I have loved you yesterday and I do love you today. I will still love you tomorrow.

Today I will write the sweetest line; I love you more than I have loved you.

But today, you wrote the most hurtful line; I love.. someone else

 

[Inspired by, Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Line by Pablo Neruda]

Without A Single Word

I KEEP on thinking
keep on asking myself

What happened

I keep on wondering
keep on blaming myself

What have I done

Where can I get answers
when you’re already gone

When can I get answers
when you already walked away

How can I get answers
when you cut any means of communication

SUDDENLY

How
when I woke up
and no hint of you

How
when you left
without saying goodbye

How can I not blame myself
when you didn’t left me
with a single word