The Curse of Abilities

Ability to remember every painful words;

Even the simplicity of jokes being thrown at me, stays in my head that it became their home.

Ability to feel too much;

Absorbing the negativity so much that it feels like there’s a magnetic energy between me and feelings.

Ability to replay every bad moments;

Like a casette of memories that never runs out of film.

Ability to mourn every loss even before losing;

That every human beings I encounter have two, and only two, purpose on my life— meeting me and leaving, wherein “knowing” is such a big word and that being attached is the new goodbye.

Ability to overanalyze.

That in everything and nothing, there’s always something. That overthinking became my pillow and blanket at night.

These are the abilities I am not so proud of, but these are what I’m made of.


Hail! Oh Sword of Love


YOU’VE MET folks, and will still welcome the mankind,
Then, now, forthcoming;

You’ve been stabbing them, neither getting exhausted of it,
Over, over, and over again.

You’ll leave them bleeding with love,
Bruised with ache,
Vested with solitude;

Frozen grief on their faces,
Remorse within their vacuous eyes;
And death within their soul.


You’ve met folks incapable of defending their so-called self,
Competent of wasting their so-called life;

You’ll be stabbing them with your sin-sharpened sword,
Heart pierced with vagueness.

You’ll abandon them like a butt of cigarette smoked by several lips,
A butt of cigarette being engulfed by the vanishing fire,
A but of cigarette stomped by hundreds of shoes;
And they’ll die a little death.


Sword of Love what a sovereignty in your possession’s,
Don’t you ever get dull?

Sword of Love all of us will encounter your cold-blooded steel;
And when we do,
Bury us!

Sword of Love you’ll have more than a lifetime,
To witness all the aftermath;
Entirely all! Everything!

Sword of Love stab me once, by your weapon,
With all your force,
With all that’s left;
And never retreat –ever.

Oh Sword of Love —

Today, The Sweetest Line

TODAY I WILL write the sweetest line; I miss you so much that I hug the pillow hoping it was you.

Today I will write the sweetest line; I will do anything just to be there beside you.

Today I will write the sweetest lines; I love you, always –be it hurting. I have loved you yesterday and I do love you today. I will still love you tomorrow.

Today I will write the sweetest line; I love you more than I have loved you.

But today, you wrote the most hurtful line; I love.. someone else


[Inspired by, Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Line by Pablo Neruda]

Without A Single Word

I KEEP on thinking
keep on asking myself

What happened

I keep on wondering
keep on blaming myself

What have I done

Where can I get answers
when you’re already gone

When can I get answers
when you already walked away

How can I get answers
when you cut any means of communication


when I woke up
and no hint of you

when you left
without saying goodbye

How can I not blame myself
when you didn’t left me
with a single word

Still That Human Being After All

SLAPPING YOU with words without even knowing the truth. Words that stabbed you.. deep

Judging you with anger without even knowing what you’ve done. Anger that was unncessary at all.

And before they even learn the truth, they have already hurt you.
There’s no time for explaining yourself.

Rather not talk at all than to debate with them when they already saw you as a loser.

A loser, insensitive, cruel human being.

Rather not talk at all when they already used up all the adjectives to describe how a bad person you’re such. When they already invent such words just to justify their judgement, just to slap you while telling you they were right.

Then it will eat you alive.  Are you really that bad? That insensitive? Do you really not care?

Then you will not disagree with them. Because your words are worthless. They won’t listen. They even pretend you’re unheard.

So you save to yourself the explaining. You swallowed every words you wanted to say when in your mind you were screaming the truth. When in your mind you were yelling them everything just to prove yourself.

But you wouldn’t do it. You know better than to do it. But they wouldn’t know how you manage yourself. They wouldn’t know you did it for the better.

Then after what happened, you’ll prove them right. You’ll be that person. That person they cruely described. You’ll be that human being. Because that’s how they see you.

Then they will tell you that they are right. And you will fuckingly agree with them. Because you gave power to their judgmental cruelty.

You let them define you. Because after all that you’ve done, it wasn’t enough to call you a good person. It still wasn’t enough to earn their respect.

So you see the other way. You became the person they hate, because the person you’ve been, the person who tried everything just to earn their respect, earn their hatred and anger instead.

So you chose the other person. The one they hated. Because being that person is simply easy. Because that is how they see you and nothing more. Without any respect, without any good thing to do, without any worth at all.

So I will continue to be that person. Because no matter how I tried, no matter what I did, no matter what I’ve sacrificed, I will always be that bad, insensitive, loser human being for them.

Then you will find yourself, living in what they called Earth but you were living in hell.

Then you will hate yourself for being there. You will blame yourself for all these things. Then you will be lost. Without any path, Without any urge to go on living like this.

You wished you were born differently or not born at all.

Because no matter how I tried, no matter what I did, no matter what I’ve sacrificed, they will always see just the dark and bad side. They will always be blind when it comes to the other things. And I will always be that bad, insensitive, loser human being for them.